Even if they produce results and are willing to help

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The key phrase that you used that made me think was “if she just needs an extra set of arms”. There a kind of implicit “I willing to do half of the physical work, or even more than half” without any mention of the mental load that goes along with. The planning, organizing, etc. Even telling you what do with those arms is work, you know?

Canada Goose sale If you ever had interns you can really notice this kind of thing. A few years back I had 3 interns that were wildly different. All three were qualified and would perform the same job with similar results. The differences between them was all canada goose black friday sale in how much direction they needed. Canada Goose sale

One of them needed their hand held every step of the way. If I needed a spreadsheet Canada Goose Parka with formulas canada goose uk size guide in excel they needed direction on every single decision. Which computer do I use, which font, what colors, etc. Anything I wanted them to do they could do, but they needed to be micromanaged or they literally wouldn do a thing. But they were happy to work cheap canada goose and constantly asked for more work. But I spent at least just as much time directing them as if I did it myself. It was exhausting.

canada goose coats on sale The second intern was a bit more independent. They needed specific direction on what to do but would make independent decisions along the way. That same spreadsheet canada goose outlet phone number they put together mostly on their own, although came to me when they couldn figure out the formula side of things. I tried to point them to resources to learn, but ultimately it was easier to show them directly. They essentially needed a short list every day of what to do. I probably spent about 1 hour with them either helping or making lists or finding work for every 2 hours of work they saved me. That was a pretty good exchange, but still exhausting at times. canada goose coats on sale

My third intern was entirely independent. So much so that halfway through the internship I could go an entire afternoon (how long they were there) without seeing them. I provided direction when I needed specific stuff done, and if I didn they would find things to do. I could give a vague direction and they would figure it out. It wasn always exactly what I wanted, but was always well done and helpful. It honestly felt like they didn get much from me out of the internship because they were so self directed. But they were by far the best because it took next to 0 work to manage them and they produced results.

Anyway, whenever I think about the mental load in relationships I always think about that experience. In the context of an internship that second one was probably the goal (internships being about education and learning and whatnot). But it did help me to realize the amount of effort you can put in sometimes “managing” someone. Even if they produce results and are willing to help, and even if they are pretty good canada goose outlet on their own, it can still take mental energy to get that done.

Canada Goose Parka The tl;dr: is that sharing the mental load doesn mean you clean the kitchen when you asked. It means you clean the kitchen before there is a need to ask. Spinoza was right. The only argument I actually heard against Spinoza was I think Fichte canada goose youth uk saying “it would be too depressing if that the way the world canada goose black friday new york works so I choose not to believe it”. Canada Goose Parka

What you not factoring is the full extent of that. Your emotions and your very thoughts (allong with everyone else fall into that same cause and effect model. You have the same level of control of your anger as they have of their actions. If you can through logic alone decide not to feel angry, then that free will.

uk canada goose outlet A professor gave a great anecdote that helped me to understand. The criminal says to the judge “you can punish me because free will doesn exist. It was determined that I do that thing thing and I couldnt help it.” The judge then says to the criminal “well it determined that I punish you, and I can help but do it” uk canada goose outlet

cheap Canada Goose Anyway, the tl;dr:, is that if you actually believe what you say you do, then you have no more control over your thoughts than they have their actions. By your very definition you can pass any sort of moral judgement on anyone for any reason. In that case you simply need to redefine morality. Moral judgements are about judging actions. cheap Canada Goose

canada goose This is important. Like really important. I was right around that age when I started regularly purging for wrestling, and a little later started binging. Pulling me out of wrestling would have done absolutely jack shit to stop me. The only thing I would learn from that was that I needed to be even better about hiding it. (And side note, there was a point where my parents were worried I wasn eating enough at meals and gently confronted me about it. All that did was make me purge and hide it even more.). Over 15 years later and I long since quit the purging, but i still deal with the binging regularly. canada goose

canada goose uk black friday And whats more, this is a really shitty situation. Like, beyond shitty. For so many of the people involved. I can definitely say Wes is a major asshole though. I really don feel comfortable throwing out judgements on anyone else involved, because like you said there are way too many things to factor in. canada goose uk black friday

buy canada goose jacket cheap Anyway, I know this isn an advice subreddit but there is one giant piece of advice that important to share: take care of yourself. The way you can best help other people is by being in the best position yourself. You see this firsthand: your mother is stressed and overworked and just isn doing the best job taking care of her canada goose and black friday kids. Learn from that. Don feel like canada goose outlet sale toronto you need to carry any burden that you aren comfortable carrying. Don sacrifice your own well being for somebody else because ultimately that going to be bad for everyone. There a reason why they say to put on your https://www.thebookstop.biz own oxygen mask before helping the people around you. buy canada goose jacket cheap

uk canada goose Anyway, that singular piece canada goose coats on sale of advice expands to two others. Therapy is a good thing to protect your mental health. With the shit you been through I encourage it if you able. It really helped me when I needed it uk canada goose.